And on another note:
I've decided that me being 'born this way' is a curse. For at times (right now) I feel so much empathy, that I can feel my heart physically aching, so much so it hurts.
How on earth will I survive this?
Monday, July 25, 2011
A Giver, and a Taker.
I hate feeling like, which I know is true, for it hangs in the air, so obviously...
Why do you _____ me so? Maybe too strong, yet it's a sense I get from you.
I love you, but I can't leave it at that.
You are my friend, and I care a great deal for you.
I prey that you're safe, and I miss you.
My point was - that I'd like having you there, as opposed to you liking it when someone is there.
Correct me if I'm wrong, which you never do, hence the feelings that radiate in my direction.
I can be great, correction, I am great, but I always get the feeling that I've done something wrong.
Tell me what.
There is a theory that just occurred to me.In relation to the rebuilding of walls in fear?
I felt like at the beginning, it was the start of something great.
Where has that greatness gone?
And now I wonder if you even see it, or care enough to see it.
Do you?
Why do you _____ me so? Maybe too strong, yet it's a sense I get from you.
I love you, but I can't leave it at that.
You are my friend, and I care a great deal for you.
I prey that you're safe, and I miss you.
My point was - that I'd like having you there, as opposed to you liking it when someone is there.
Correct me if I'm wrong, which you never do, hence the feelings that radiate in my direction.
I can be great, correction, I am great, but I always get the feeling that I've done something wrong.
Tell me what.
There is a theory that just occurred to me.
I felt like at the beginning, it was the start of something great.
Where has that greatness gone?
And now I wonder if you even see it, or care enough to see it.
Do you?
Friday, July 8, 2011
I hate that it is so, because in a way it means that I rely on it to feel better about myself. A constant support, someone who you, no matter what, can turn to and say, 'hey my life is crap, make it better' and they will. I miss so much right now, and I think because of it - convenience is occurring, yet not occurring, because I refuse to demoralise myself, with you anyway. Which is a positive, yet negative, yet positive factor. I just want things to change, drastically, and fast. Because I'm sick of living like this, and I'm clearly not happy. Clearly. Yet if it did occur, it wouldn't be fateful, just fulfilling, at best. Fuck this belief in fate I have, how is it serving me any good.
Oh and I feel guilty for leaving, for I was enjoying myself, and it may seem a selfish choice and despite the fact that I know you weren't in anyway rubbing it in, at all, it felt as though it was being shoved in my face, continuously. Yet at least you got it, and for that I smile. Thank you, I have truly missed you in my life.
Oh and I feel guilty for leaving, for I was enjoying myself, and it may seem a selfish choice and despite the fact that I know you weren't in anyway rubbing it in, at all, it felt as though it was being shoved in my face, continuously. Yet at least you got it, and for that I smile. Thank you, I have truly missed you in my life.
Wednesday, July 6, 2011
I dislike the fact immensely that you can see straight through me, as if I were as clear as glass. It's like I don't even notice my weakness's until I'm in your presence. Yet, I like the fact that you have the ability to do so, because it makes me feel as if there is at least one person who understands, and thinks the way I do. But I hate the feeling, that overwhelming feeling that is brought on by it, and I cannot work out if I am just strong, or if I am strong.
Sometimes, I think people judge me too harshly. I'm not this intense person that I think people see me as, I like to plan things because it gives me security, everybody wishes they could see the future, and in a way it's like motivation, because I can already see mine.
When I look at you I see two people, and I can't pin point what it is that makes you this other person in my mind when in reality you're so different, some how I think it is me, and I made you so. I am a theorist, and many a theory I have, yet all my theories seem to contradict one another, and I often feel that what I think must be incorrect, yet how do we ever really know what another person is thinking/feeling/otherwise. I wonder if you get it. It may not be as you think either. I just feel the difference, and don't like it. Although, it may just be me over thinking things, again. Yet I highly doubt that.
- - - -
Sometimes, I think people judge me too harshly. I'm not this intense person that I think people see me as, I like to plan things because it gives me security, everybody wishes they could see the future, and in a way it's like motivation, because I can already see mine.
- - - -
When I look at you I see two people, and I can't pin point what it is that makes you this other person in my mind when in reality you're so different, some how I think it is me, and I made you so. I am a theorist, and many a theory I have, yet all my theories seem to contradict one another, and I often feel that what I think must be incorrect, yet how do we ever really know what another person is thinking/feeling/otherwise. I wonder if you get it. It may not be as you think either. I just feel the difference, and don't like it. Although, it may just be me over thinking things, again. Yet I highly doubt that.
Sunday, July 3, 2011
I'm sorry but I just really wasn't in the mood.
It was in most ways unfair, every time I get the same thing with no choices, yet the moment you are in my shoes the game changes. Taking what should have been mine.
Might be petty but it pissed me off.
And I can 'blame' whomever I choose, because it actually wasn't me that was the issue. But thanks for rubbing it in, you don't see me doing that to you, was it just to prove a point?
Whatever really.
It was in most ways unfair, every time I get the same thing with no choices, yet the moment you are in my shoes the game changes. Taking what should have been mine.
Might be petty but it pissed me off.
And I can 'blame' whomever I choose, because it actually wasn't me that was the issue. But thanks for rubbing it in, you don't see me doing that to you, was it just to prove a point?
Whatever really.
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