Same old, same old.

I'm happy I saved on that one, because it was worth it. You on the other hand, are not. Couldn't get away quick enough could you. 

I've come to the conclusion, that it won't ever be. Yet that doesn't really concern me as much as I figured it would.

I wish I could let go...

I find myself surrounded in a swirl of frustration mixed with optimism and a hint of reality. Only a hint. I feel sometimes, directed at me is more than saying, second guessing myself, like a game of chicken and egg. Never ending cycle of the same questions.

I pray that you don't find me. 

I know how the game is played, clearly I'm not winning. But then I guess neither are you.

As time goes on, you realise what the important things in life really are.
I need to learn to take things as they come, and to be more optimistic.
To be the best version of myself that I possibly can be.
To remember, that anything is possible if you set your mind to it.

It's the first without you.
The first where I won't wake and hear your voice.
The first were there will be no phone call you inclusive.

Makes me miss the days when, we were small enough to all fit, in what seemed like such a big bed.

I miss you. And then.

If only really, If only.

Are we ever fully satisfied with who we are? Or is there always going to be this constant need to be better?

How do you see me? I wonder. 

And I could do it so well.

I've decided that I can do what I choose to do, and nobody shall govern my choices.

This and that.

Let me do it, just this once?
Consequences.

One word comes to mind now when I think of you. No matter how hard I try to shake it off, it's sticking. How unlucky. I'd love to cut the legs off.

Maybe, I was fooling myself, in thinking that you were someone/something you're not. Maybe I was wrong about you. Whatever it is, it's your loss if I was.

I feel like if I did it, you would think that it wasn't for myself, and even though I get told not to worry about it, I still feel like I'd be judged.

And I love how we say that this good trait we possess, is such an unfortunate gift, it amuses me greatly.

I must do better. If I am the only one I can rely on, how can I keep letting myself down like this? I must do better.